he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
