Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
