when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
