Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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