I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
