There was a lot of him and a little penis
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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