After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
