I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
