I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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