i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
