His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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