Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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