I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize