Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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