So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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