She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
