The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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