Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize