maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
