Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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