So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
