you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
