In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
