we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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