I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize