My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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