I didn't shave. On purpose
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
