did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
