I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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