I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
