I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
