i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
