that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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