yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
God, I missed his penis.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
