it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
