ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So vagazzling was a success
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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