She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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