another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
