So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize