Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
