That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pants are for mortals
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
