When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
