I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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