Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
