Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
