I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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