The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
