Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
