Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
