I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize