OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
