i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
