i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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