youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
