worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
