All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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