I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
