Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
