My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
