i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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