i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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