No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
