He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
