so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize